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Sophie
Pierce |
Writer and Broadcaster |
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Children don’t worry about the social niceties
of playing together, but their parents do, says Sophie Pierce For most stay-at-home parents, the
playgroup is part of the weekly routine.
Groups for the under-fives and their parents come in all shapes and
sizes. In the small town where I live,
we have “Bumps and babes” for pregnant women and those with small babies,
“Munchkins” for pre-school children, complete with a baked potato lunch, and
the ”Family workshop” which provides craft activities for parents and
children. And I haven’t even mentioned
“Heuristic play or treasure baskets”. It’s great to have such a range of places
to go and things to do with young children. The Government’s Sure Start
programme, which has been running for five years, has encouraged the
proliferation of new facilities for parents and children. In Socialising with the other parents and
carers is de rigeur; it would be very bad form to read a newspaper. Nobody tells you socialising is what you
must do – it is an expectation, an unwritten rule. Many parents would much prefer to unwind
for an hour by reading a book while Junior gets on with the business of
learning to socialise. Most adults are well able to mix already, thank you. This is not part of the deal, however,
because playgroups are not just for children, they’re also for grownups. Many
parents with young children suddenly find themselves very lonely. They’ve probably been working full-time and
haven’t needed friends in the way they do now. Playgroups are a way of making contact with
others in the same position – though of course there’s no guarantee you’ll
get on when the only thing you have in common is that you have children. I have two small boys and have made one
really good friend though going to playgroups. But even if you make just one friend in
hundreds of attendances, that person may become a friend for life. You also have the added dimension to your
friendship of seeing your children growing up together. Nevertheless, the social code of the
playgroup does amuse me. I’ve lost
count of the number of times I’ve asked a fellow mother how old her child is,
commented on how sleep-deprived her little darling must be when he’s busy
screaming and terrorising the other children, and chatted inanely about the
relative benefits of packed lunches versus school dinners. The trouble is, if you don’t naturally
hit it off with someone (and let’s face it, you’re not going to with most
people you happen to meet at a playgroup) there are soon going to be awkward
silences. After all, for how long can
you talk about children? Chit-chat aside, playgroup etiquette
becomes somewhat strained when, inevitably, the children don’t follow the
parents’ polite little code. It all goes slightly pear-shaped when little
Johnny decides to push little Jimmy’s head hard into the seat of the ride-on
car. The parent whose child is doing the terrorising is permitted to issue a
mild telling off. Losing your rag – indeed raising your voice - is most
definitely taboo. This is followed by a profuse apology and excuses (usually
citing the child’s tiredness) to the victim’s parent, who naturally makes
light of the whole thing. Of course most of us are civilised
creatures, which is why we have a social code – even at playgroup. There is also a sense of parental
obligation though. Mothers and fathers
feel they must be sociable because these playgroups are laid on and they feel
duty bound to participate, to give something back. We must be grateful musn’t
we? Being selfish and taking time out
for an hour with a book while your child plays – well that just wouldn’t be
the done thing would it? |
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