|
Sophie
Pierce |
Writer and Broadcaster |
||
|
|
Sophie
Pierce is an agnostic Catholic married to an atheist,
but she’s committed to bringing up her two sons to go to church I feel quite a freak sometimes. Not one of my friends is a regular
churchgoer, and my husband is what I call a ‘practising atheist’. On the other hand, I try to go to Mass every
week. And because I am 40, I stand out
in church, too. The congregation of my church – in a
small The first time I went to Mass there,
shortly after I had moved to the area, was rather depressing. I had my then
four year old and my baby in tow, and both were quite noisy. There wasn’t a
very friendly atmosphere and I left early. I insist, though, on trying to bring my
two boys up in the faith. Tomorrow is
Palm Sunday, the beginning of Holy Week, leading up to the most important
festival of the Christian year. A time
of sorrow and joy for Christians, but for me it just intensifies my somewhat
mixed feelings at being a Catholic parent. Nevertheless, I want my boys to
have a sense of the importance of something other than their own needs and
outlook on life. I want them to have a
moral framework. I want them to have a
sense of awe. I also want them to feel part of a wider
community, and to have the cultural enrichment that being a member of one of
the great religions brings. I also
believe it’s important for their education. You’ll notice I haven’t mentioned
anything like the importance of being saved from eternal damnation as a
reason for taking my children to Mass. That’s because I don’t claim my
religion necessarily has all the answers; I am a kind of agnostic Catholic I
suppose. The important thing is that
my children are raised to ask the right sort of questions, and have the
broadened perspective that religion gives. Many people who don’t take their children to church say they
want to give their youngsters the freedom to ‘choose’ religion later on in
life. I believe, though, that if
children are brought up with no religion they don’t actually have a choice. A lapsed Catholic friend said as much to me just
recently. She was concerned about the
fact she never takes her daughter to Church.
“I worry that I’m depriving her of the ability to make a choice
because she doesn’t actually know anything about Catholicism, she has no
familiarity with it”, she said. Children and choice is an interesting
concept anyway. You don’t deprive a child of proper meals just because it
says it doesn’t want meat and two veg, and would rather have some crisps. In the case of my children, I hope that
if they remain Catholics as adults, it will be out of choice. Equally, if they reject it, they will know what
they are rejecting. The fact that my husband is not religious
– in fact he’s actively atheist – is not as problematic as you might think.
Although he doesn’t believe any of the Church’s teachings, he doesn’t think
they do any harm either. It would be difficult if he felt it was wrong to
expose the children to the Church – as some people do – and didn’t want them
to go. This would cause division and
conflict. As it is, he doesn’t mind me taking them – although he won’t come
too. (apart from Easter and Christmas). But I do feel as if I’m ploughing a
lonely furrow. None of my friends here
go to church. Religion is never
discussed – apart from occasionally at dinner parties when everyone is rather
drunk. It is simply not part of most
people’s lives. Religion is a minority
interest, and as part of a minority you feel marginalised. Still, there is nothing wrong with
that. It will be good for my children
to learn that there is nothing wrong with being different. What is difficult about religion being a
minority interest though is that fewer and fewer people are taking part, and
in some ways it is dying a slow and painful death. And that’s when I find it
really hard. There I am on a Sunday
morning, struggling to get the
children out of the door while my other half happily snoozes in bed, and for
what? A pathetic attempt to keep going
an ancient religion that has outlived its usefulness. Well, that’s how it feels in the bad
times. There are good times too. Our elderly and frail priest is the most
wonderful, inspiring person, and has enriched my life. My boys have just got their first
simplified missals, and are at that lovely age where they love being a part
of something – whatever it is. They
especially loved being in the church at Christmas – their faces in front of
the crib were a picture. I don’t know whether religion has the
answers to the mysteries of human existence, but it helps me to cope with
life. As a mother I want to provide my
children with everything they need – including spiritual sustenance. They may not find it in the Catholic
Church, but at least they will have some idea about how to look for it. |
||